Victoria Beckham Walking Without Bra

It really is a slow news day when I snap of a sudden Victoria Beckham is difficult nipple. But I make a basic rule that, if in doubt, you can not go wrong with fake breasts. I think it is somewhere in the Constitution. Yes, our founding fathers were true visionaries who loved breasts. Damn, this country rocks. I am raising a flag today in your honor, US of A. I will not tell you where, but it is ready at the top of rocks and 2, aw, you have me, it is totally my penis. Ha ha zero fool you, America.

Paris Hilton's Trip To Rwanda

Paris Hilton. Humanitarian. Saint. And, oh yes, a camera whore. It appears Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda in November will be a reality show. Wait until you see the title of the show. Priceless. Ok! Magazine reports:

"Paris Hilton is set to journey to Rwanda on a charity mission with the Playing for Good organization, and as it is always the case, cameras will be following her. Paris’ five-day trek to the African country, where she will visit clinics and schools, will be filmed with the hopes of selling it as a reality show titled The Philanthropist." "I love having everything documented. It shows people what everyday life is like for me, how hard I work. There are a lot of misconceptions about me."

Admittedly, there are many misconceptions about Paris Hilton. The other day a guy told me that she hadn't herpes. This guy could not have been more wrong. But you know, in all honesty, it's nice to see Paris using his fame to draw attention to these refugees. Of course, it could devour their souls to reject the ravaging effects of age, but at least, Paris is creating a dialogue. And that is what is really important. Unless the show is on A & E, then we will not look and Paris, just misled into thinking that we kind of important.

Lindsay Lohan's Heart Is In Liquor

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has been drinking this weekend. Gasp! How can this be? She has been in rehabilitation three times. Could it be done, it has remained at a resort to practices unquantifiable rehabilitation? No, it's just talking crazy. E! Reports online:

"However, don’t think Lindsay Lohan has gone all suburban soccer mom on us—yet. According to some Utah locals, Lindsay was spotted at a Park City club Friday night. And despite her two-month stint in rehab, our bar witness thought Lindsay Lohan looked less than refreshed."

In the future, when scientists unearth Lindsay Lohan's corpse, they discover it runs on pure alcohol. It can survive without oxygen, water and food. As long as it is filled to the brim with Mojito, Lindsay Lohan will continue. Yes, it will be a while until Dr. Johnson fascinating spills tonic his whiskey in his rib cage open and Holy Christ! She is alive! Hide our precious one beer! Ah, I see, she burned with his crotch! Johnson, you drink-dog, look what you have done! Oh, the humanity.